The Good Bye

As a kid, my family moved a lot.  As soon as the news dropped, my mind went to the future: new place, new friends, new school; those realities loomed large.  Every move also meant leaving behind a life that felt meaningful and permanent.  So, one would think that I’d be an expert at saying goodbye.  And yet, as I come to the end of serving as your rector, it’s the goodbye part that’s hardest to focus on. 

Here are some suggestions for those of us who struggle with GOOD byes:

Recognize the Goodbye. I’m doing that as I write this. I recognize that for me to grow, and for our community to grow into spiritual maturity, we must make room for sadness and loss.  It’s a transition time and that feels unsettling.  I’ve already jumped into thinking about the coming interim who will serve you. I’ve gotten happy thinking about how that person will enrich your common life.  But stop!  It’s time to recognize this moment. The season of good bye. Allowing it to be good and meaningful.

Reflect on the past.  I’m taking time to remember the amazing adventure of being a part of our community. Your beautiful faces, a person’s distinct laugh, a moment of sweetness, a time of utter wonder.  So many memories are sitting with me right now.  I’m grateful for that.  If you need a refresher on the seven years we’ve had together, there are photobooks in the Common Room. Emily O’Chiu created several of the them and they are fantastic.

Release the Feelings.  It’s really  important to acknowledge the loss and sadness.  Even if you are only sad because it’s a change and your not all that fond of me personally, it’s okay to just be sad for the change. Or irritated.  Don’t feel bad about it, just release it.  For some of us, grief is more easily expressed through anger. That’s what makes community transitions tough. Between the stress of anticipated change, the power vacuum caused by the departing rector, and people reacting in anger instead of processing grief, things can go easily go bad and balloon into big things when their root is just loss.  Choose to release the feelings.

Return to the present.  This goodbye is a threshold. It’s a new door opening for our community. We don’t know what it will bring, but we know it will be guided and held by the Holy Spirit who has brought us this far.  We are in good hands with the Bishop and Canon Doris, we are in good hands with the lay leaders we have at St. Paul’s.  God is in the midst of us, we need not fear.

I am committed to a Good Bye. I hope you will be too.  I’m not trying to make this bigger than it is. You have plenty of other issues in your life beside my departure and they are certainly more important. But that doesn’t diminish the importance of this common task.  Let’s do it and do it well. Recognizing, reflecting, releasing, and returning. May it be a sweet and holy process.

​Pastor Rebecca