The Church as Family

Depending on who you listen to in the world of Church practices, you’ll get different opinions on whether or not it’s wise to call the people who attend a church, ‘family’. There are reasons why it’s helpful and reasons why it’s not.  Since I tend to use this term to describe what we are at St. Paul’s, I’m going to tell you why I see it as an appropriate term, but also point out the unhelpful aspects of it.

Family language is appropriate because:

• It’s theologically meaningful. Jesus calls us brothers and sisters (anyone who does the will of my Father is my sister and my brother...Matthew 12:50)
  
• It’s psychologically meaningful.  We need to belong, and some of us don’t ‘belong’ in our biological families for a number of different reasons. Church is a place for loving each other - and for practicing doing it well.
  
• It’s honest. Whether we like it or not, our family issues leach into our church relationships. Often this causes confusion or conflict, but it also gives the opportunity for healing.
  

Family language is not appropriate because:

• Church relationships are not the same. They are much more fluid and often superficial - Churches experience a fluctuation of who is there and who is absent. Some members prefer to keep a low profile and just worship and leave. We, as a church, accommodate that but in a family, those things would probably indicate problems.
  
• Families express themselves in ways that are not appropriate in the church family.  Conflict, affection, and decision making in churches must be modeled more after a professional organization than a family.
  
• Families are not wide open systems - healthy churches are. In churches it’s important that newcomers be invited in and easily find their place as members and participants in the common life of the community. In a family, this would be unhealthy.
  

I am comfortable using the language of ‘church family’ for as long as we are fairly small in size and we continue to be welcoming and flexible. Let’s keep an eye out for signs that we are becoming a “closed family” - or when we are not welcoming, because we’ll want to address it.  I welcome your thoughts on the matter! In the meantime, I am so grateful to be a part of our church family.